Thank you Robin for sharing. I work with a community of almost 400 men and women who have suffered many traumatic situations. Now to purchase your book for increased understanding.
I'm curious to know more about the work you do, and where? Havening is transformative in the approach to trauma because it's tapping into innate healing mechanisms evolved over millions of years
Bless you for your work. I have only once had the opportunity to work with a prisoner - via video connection. He had been banged up for twenty years but had severe claustrophobia and was always acting out. His claustrophobia arose from a childhood trauma of being buried alive. We erased that one trauma and his claustrophobia disappeared. He completely changed in character and began working with his counsellor towards a better future on release.
So I work in the area of spiritual care but see there is so much more could be don’t to help people break cycles of trauma. Is your book available electronically?
Thank you for sharing your moving story, Robin. It was courageous of you to write of your trauma, but you also didn't focus on blame. Thank you, and Meredith, for being the beautiful people that you are, and for supporting others to heal and be the best version of themselves also.
So many people are conditioned to hide (or dissociate from) their painful experiences and/or personal struggles for fear of being perceived as weak or flawed.
I'm sure I'm not alone when I share that when someone opens up, as Robin does here, I feel more respect and connection, not less.
While unacknowledged or unidentified personal struggles often cause hurt and various levels of separation, openly sharing has huge potential to improve relationships and help others to find the courage to recognise and address their issues.
Thank you, Robin and Meredith, for the inestimable good you bring to the world as you share your knowledge, experience and passion for compassionate healing.
Thank you Robin for your honesty and experience. What a journey of healing and enlightenment you have been on. In my clinic in the Chilterns near Oxford UK I have a much larger client cohort 30-40% men of all ages 18 + seeking help with their trauma. I know this is rare amongst therapists to have this percentage of men vs women (all genders are welcome). It is a privilege as a trauma therapist to not only help delink/heal their wounds and have the opportunity to teach tools and techniques, especially emotional intelligence reconnecting them to name and change their feelings in a non judgemental supportive environment. Thank you for sharing! Regards, Sarah x
Robin, what a heartfelt courageous story you shared. Thank you so much for once again, being such a compassionate teacher. And of course giving due respect for the warmth and wisdom of Meredith-I remember you both vividly from your time in Louisville KY
Thanks Rhody, we remember you and Marilyn with affection. Remember the filming you did? Here in NZ we are about to launch the first ever film documentary about Havening Techniques (and my work as a trauma therapist). You will see that Meredith has a starring role at the beginning of the film. I'll send you the link after the premiere next week. Much love from Z
My friend Randy, who died a couple of years ago, used to lament how lonely it could feel to be an emotionally conscious man. I’m sorry there aren’t more people talking about it, but I’m glad you are.
Robin, this is so beautifully written, and as some have noted, courageous. And so relatable on so many levels. The lifelong struggle with & against one’s own effects of traumas, the blooming of awareness, the moving into work to help others… and the unshared secrets that one doesn’t realize has affected us so deeply. I think of my parents, whose passings i am still grappling with, as they suffered from at the hands of their eldest 2 children, still filled with hatred, blame, stuck in their own chronic trauma reactions. Because of my own lifelong seeking, I came to understand my parents within the context of their own traumas, emotional neglect, and human imperfections, to admire them deeply despite the harms they caused on those closest to them. My ability to simply love them, without focus on the past, before they died only worsened my elder siblings’ rage, which they turned on me. Rage needs a target. And yet i feel for them as well, and always protected them, keeping their secrets… Some abused children eventually find a partner they cling to because that person validates their blame and rage, worsens it, for their own dysfunctional needs. As did my parents, and those siblings. (I could not risk such trust, any trust of a partner) How fortunate that you instead found a patient and loving wife who saw the good, saw who you were with love, stuck it out while you wrestled your demons, and helped you grow and heal with her love. And i’m so happy her efforts were rewarded! I’m so happy you were able to trust enough to marry her, and happy & grateful to her for enabling your contributions to healing the world. Looking forward to reading your book!🫶🏻👏🏻
Thank you for your kind words, Elisa, and for sharing your own story. I have never been able to figure out why suffering make some people more compassionate, and others more cruel. Maybe it comes down to self-responsibility? Will we become victims, raging against the world, or use our pain as a driving force to do good in the world (and sometimes becoming rescuers, which is also not helpful). It's a mystery.
Awesome Robin. And this says it all ... "The expression of feelings is often judged to be a weakness, especially in the heroic professions such as the military, emergency first responders, doctors and senior leaders."
Thanks Sande. Sadly we are now seeing the fast rise of toxic masculinity driven by leaders like Trump and social media influencers. Our only hope of saving the world is promoting the healing of trauma.
Well ... I think individuals saving themselves if that means working on their own inner worlds that includes trauma is great. That enough. Saving the world can be left to saviours, whatever they are - or aren't!
Yes, that's enough. Wounded men wound others. When I say, 'save the world' I just mean the healing that stops men from endlessly pursuing power and wealth, which is the thing destroying the world. We don't need saviours :-)
Thank you Robin for sharing. I work with a community of almost 400 men and women who have suffered many traumatic situations. Now to purchase your book for increased understanding.
I'm curious to know more about the work you do, and where? Havening is transformative in the approach to trauma because it's tapping into innate healing mechanisms evolved over millions of years
Within the justice system
Bless you for your work. I have only once had the opportunity to work with a prisoner - via video connection. He had been banged up for twenty years but had severe claustrophobia and was always acting out. His claustrophobia arose from a childhood trauma of being buried alive. We erased that one trauma and his claustrophobia disappeared. He completely changed in character and began working with his counsellor towards a better future on release.
So I work in the area of spiritual care but see there is so much more could be don’t to help people break cycles of trauma. Is your book available electronically?
You can buy a Kindle version on Amazon, or an audiobook
Thank you for sharing your moving story, Robin. It was courageous of you to write of your trauma, but you also didn't focus on blame. Thank you, and Meredith, for being the beautiful people that you are, and for supporting others to heal and be the best version of themselves also.
Thanks for you kind words, Merryn, we were touched.
So many people are conditioned to hide (or dissociate from) their painful experiences and/or personal struggles for fear of being perceived as weak or flawed.
I'm sure I'm not alone when I share that when someone opens up, as Robin does here, I feel more respect and connection, not less.
While unacknowledged or unidentified personal struggles often cause hurt and various levels of separation, openly sharing has huge potential to improve relationships and help others to find the courage to recognise and address their issues.
Thank you, Robin and Meredith, for the inestimable good you bring to the world as you share your knowledge, experience and passion for compassionate healing.
Aw, thank you Ann. We were touched by your words.
I feel the same way, and could not have said it better.
Thank you Robin for your honesty and experience. What a journey of healing and enlightenment you have been on. In my clinic in the Chilterns near Oxford UK I have a much larger client cohort 30-40% men of all ages 18 + seeking help with their trauma. I know this is rare amongst therapists to have this percentage of men vs women (all genders are welcome). It is a privilege as a trauma therapist to not only help delink/heal their wounds and have the opportunity to teach tools and techniques, especially emotional intelligence reconnecting them to name and change their feelings in a non judgemental supportive environment. Thank you for sharing! Regards, Sarah x
Book ordered. Will read and come back to you about how one might go about becoming a practitioner. Thank you
Robin, what a heartfelt courageous story you shared. Thank you so much for once again, being such a compassionate teacher. And of course giving due respect for the warmth and wisdom of Meredith-I remember you both vividly from your time in Louisville KY
Thanks Rhody, we remember you and Marilyn with affection. Remember the filming you did? Here in NZ we are about to launch the first ever film documentary about Havening Techniques (and my work as a trauma therapist). You will see that Meredith has a starring role at the beginning of the film. I'll send you the link after the premiere next week. Much love from Z
Thank you for this honest post. You've given me insight into some men in my life.
Thanks Heather. I'm glad it was useful. There seems to be very little written about the emotional struggles of men.
My friend Randy, who died a couple of years ago, used to lament how lonely it could feel to be an emotionally conscious man. I’m sorry there aren’t more people talking about it, but I’m glad you are.
Robin, this is so beautifully written, and as some have noted, courageous. And so relatable on so many levels. The lifelong struggle with & against one’s own effects of traumas, the blooming of awareness, the moving into work to help others… and the unshared secrets that one doesn’t realize has affected us so deeply. I think of my parents, whose passings i am still grappling with, as they suffered from at the hands of their eldest 2 children, still filled with hatred, blame, stuck in their own chronic trauma reactions. Because of my own lifelong seeking, I came to understand my parents within the context of their own traumas, emotional neglect, and human imperfections, to admire them deeply despite the harms they caused on those closest to them. My ability to simply love them, without focus on the past, before they died only worsened my elder siblings’ rage, which they turned on me. Rage needs a target. And yet i feel for them as well, and always protected them, keeping their secrets… Some abused children eventually find a partner they cling to because that person validates their blame and rage, worsens it, for their own dysfunctional needs. As did my parents, and those siblings. (I could not risk such trust, any trust of a partner) How fortunate that you instead found a patient and loving wife who saw the good, saw who you were with love, stuck it out while you wrestled your demons, and helped you grow and heal with her love. And i’m so happy her efforts were rewarded! I’m so happy you were able to trust enough to marry her, and happy & grateful to her for enabling your contributions to healing the world. Looking forward to reading your book!🫶🏻👏🏻
Thank you for your kind words, Elisa, and for sharing your own story. I have never been able to figure out why suffering make some people more compassionate, and others more cruel. Maybe it comes down to self-responsibility? Will we become victims, raging against the world, or use our pain as a driving force to do good in the world (and sometimes becoming rescuers, which is also not helpful). It's a mystery.
your book arrived! Its on my pile 😁 & looking forward to reading it. Wish the print were larger--im so spoiled by adjustable fonts on Kindle😆 🕊️☮️
Touched. May you be protected. 🤍Your voice stepped into its power, and it’s inspiring to read. Thank you.
Thank you Shaista for your kind wishes. I no longer have need for protection :-)
Awesome Robin. And this says it all ... "The expression of feelings is often judged to be a weakness, especially in the heroic professions such as the military, emergency first responders, doctors and senior leaders."
Thanks Sande. Sadly we are now seeing the fast rise of toxic masculinity driven by leaders like Trump and social media influencers. Our only hope of saving the world is promoting the healing of trauma.
Well ... I think individuals saving themselves if that means working on their own inner worlds that includes trauma is great. That enough. Saving the world can be left to saviours, whatever they are - or aren't!
Yes, that's enough. Wounded men wound others. When I say, 'save the world' I just mean the healing that stops men from endlessly pursuing power and wealth, which is the thing destroying the world. We don't need saviours :-)
I completely agree….
Much love and respect to you, and so glad you found healing for your inner children!
Thank you Rena. Lots of love from NZ